


Keep It Short & Simple

by Chibiscuit



Series: Declaration of Codependence [4]
Category: 18th Century CE RPF, Hamilton - Miranda, Historical RPF
Genre: Gen, Jeffers is very much confused, M/M, Mads has a secret of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2016-11-14
Packaged: 2018-08-30 20:33:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8548222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chibiscuit/pseuds/Chibiscuit
Summary: The one time Madison acts on an impulsive and rash idea...“Do you suppose there is some sort of courting equivalent to committing sodomy?”It was a horrible idea.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Since there is seemingly a word for everything, there probably is one for Mads' 'secret' as well. I haven't the foggiest what that term is though but I, uh, certainly feel Mads in this one... 
> 
> Anyway, this is now a series! But as always you can just read it seperately. Which is apparently what a series is about. Great! ^^
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

This was a bad idea. No, a horrible idea. It simply could not end well. And yet he was still going through with it. Why was beyond him but Dolley would say that was normal for him. “It’s not that you have a complete lack of emotions.”, she had said, once, in response to someone claiming he did, in fact, lack any feeling, “You are simply unaware you have them yourself until the moment they grow too strong to ignore or someone spells them out and pushes them in your face.” Needless to say, Madison was much more aware of his emotions since marrying Dolley. And as things stood, this was something Dolley had addressed a few times, something that even he himself had noticed was off but still denied. It was a matter that needed to be addressed. So, using Dolley’s theories on his emotional state, he had deduced that it would be best to get clarity on the whole situation before he became too annoyed with himself and his incapability to stay indifferent to the other man’s obvious affections.

Though perhaps interrupting your best friend during a political discussion by telling them to kiss him, without offering any further explanation, was not the best possible approach. However hilarious Jefferson’s shocked, flushed face had been, it might’ve been a bit too direct of a proposal and he could hardly blame his friend’s request to repeat his last words.

So naturally he told him to kiss him again, trying not to think of the actual act of kissing, and reminding himself of Dolley’s words- “You don’t know until you try.”- as if it were a mantra. He ignored the fact that he knew this was not what she had in mind when she had said as much but somehow talking to Jefferson about it all seemed even more daunting. So he twisted her advice and convinced himself this was the easiest and fastest way to get clarity. It worked. That is, until Jefferson nodded, got up, and stood right in front of him. For the first time in a long while, Madison felt nervous and shy in Jefferson’s presence, and realized perhaps this had not just been a horrible idea, it was an absolute catastrophe.

Being dramatic was more Jefferson's thing however so he maintained his calm facade. Speaking of Jefferson, he looked about twice as nervous as he softly asked, “You really want me to?” Not trusting his voice, Madison nodded. Well, at least, that’s what he wanted to find out.

“Are you sure?” No, not at all. About as far from sure as possible and for once he wished Jefferson would stop being considerate and get on with it because the longer he dallied, the more Madison felt his resolve waver.

Jefferson leaned forward slowly, nerves and anticipation swirling in his stomach. This was it. It wasn’t some dream, some hallucination, or at least he didn’t think it was. He was really going to kiss James Madison. But then he saw in those blue eyes something that made him stop. He was so close, their lips practically brushing, when those beautiful blue eyes constricted, blurred, in ...fear? Disgust? Apprehension? Jefferson pulled back slightly, “You don’t want this.”

Relief washed over Madison when he saw Jefferson pull back. The hurt and confusion in his eyes was evident. “Not because it’s you.” He supplied quickly. The confusion only seemed to increase.

“Is it the timing? The setting maybe?” Jefferson guessed, trying his best to hide how rejected he felt. Madison had agreed to this- proposed it even!-, had said it was okay, but then suddenly it wasn’t? “We’re alone right now. No-one will know.” No-one could ever know. It would be the end of their careers and possibly more.

Madison shook his head softly, “That’s not it.” He had thought he would be able to handle it. Just this once, to satisfy his friend’s desire, to get clarification, but he couldn’t. Still, he wouldn’t have pulled back. Again, the reason eluded him. Perhaps it was a convoluted sort of penance. Penance for the way he’d used Jefferson in the past. But that was in the past and truth be told he didn’t regret his actions at all. If given the opportunity, he’d do the same. In the end they both enjoyed the friendship that was born from it. What did it matter that it had all been built on a foundation of lies?

Looking into those hazel eyes filled with pain, fear and confusion, he did, however, regret ever proposing this. Because now there was little choice left then to tell him. He wouldn’t understand. Dolley was the only one who ever did.

“Then what is it?” Jefferson’s voice sounded desperate for an answer. Desperate to be reassured.

“I don’t want this from anyone.” He explained but internally groaned at the vagueness of the statement. He should be clear but it would appear that a life-time of evading the issue had made him rather incapable of doing so. “To be kissed.” He added quietly.

“You don’t want to be kissed by any man?” Jefferson answered. “I… see. I apologize, it was just that you- I mean it was-“

“No!” Madison interrupted, “That’s not-“ He let out a long sigh. Things just seemed to be getting worse. If this kept up they’d both end up with a migraine. “Man, woman, whatever, that’s not the problem. It doesn’t matter who it is.” He took a deep breath, willing himself to just get it over with. “I simply don’t want to be kissed.”

Jefferson blinked owlishly at him then pulled back even further from Madison, straightening his back. He blinked again, once, twice, as he stared down at his friend, trying to take in this information. Judging from the increasingly deep frown on his face, Madison guessed he had a hard time wrapping his head around the statement. The silence stretched on, much to Madison’s discomfort. He hadn’t wanted to bring the subject up -ever- but now that he had, he hoped Jefferson would respond soon or he might go crazy from suspense.

“Thomas?” The whisper broke Jefferson out of his train of thoughts. Madison was glad his voice didn’t falter. At least on the outside he didn’t appear as a bundle of nerves.

“I…” Jefferson paused, frowning once more before sighing, “I’m afraid I haven’t a clue what you mean by that.”

Madison let out a nervous laugh, feeling the tension leave his body somewhat, though why was a mystery. Apparently he still hadn’t been clear enough, though Madison was unsure how else he could put it. “I mean exactly that. I don’t want to be kissed.” He repeated. “By anyone.” He added once more to stress that his friend wasn’t the problem.

“You mean… you want to take the initiative and kiss them?”

Madison suppressed a groan as frustration welled up in him. Was this really so difficult for Jefferson to grasp? Dolley had gotten the idea almost immediately. This was exactly why he wanted no-one to know. He was regretting bringing it up. He should’ve just lied to Jefferson from the start. But then what would he have said? He'd been the one demanding to be kissed. Stupid, so stupid of him. 

“Noo…” He said, barely managing to keep the frustration out of his voice., “I don’t want that either. Being kissed, kissing someone, no kissing whatsoever.” Well, perhaps that was going over things a bit too simplistically but he doubted Jefferson needed a more complex explanation right now.

“So, you’ve never kissed anyone before?” Jefferson asked incredulously. The mere thought sounded preposterous to him but he saw no reason for his friend to lie about it. Who’d make something like that up anyway? Madison shook his head. “Not even Dolley?”

“Not even a peck on my mother’s cheek to say good-bye.”

“Wow.” Jefferson stared wide-eyed at him. He looked strangely fascinated. Well, that was better than horrified or disbelief, though Madison wasn’t sure he wanted to peek his curiosity _too_ much. At the same time he had to keep from laughing at Jefferson’s response -really now, _wow?_ \- and the look on his face. He’d expected a ‘why’ or a ‘I don’t understand’ or something of the kind but not ‘wow’. He kinda liked that for an answer though. Right along with Dolley’s ‘okay’.

“It… really bothers you that much?” Jefferson asked when he’d finally snapped out of his daze.

Madison hesitated for a second before nodding, “Yes, it does.”

“Oh.” Realization dawned on Jefferson, “Man, I feel bad for trying to couple you with Miss Kitty now.” He tilted his head, frowning in thought, “Is that why the whole thing got called off?”

Now Madison did laugh. Of all the things Jefferson could be thinking of, that was it? “No, that wasn’t the reason.” At least not the sole reason but that was irrelevant. “And besides being a couple doesn’t equate to kissing.”

“Well actually, that you would kiss was at the forefront of my mind when I made the arrangement…” He trailed off when he noticed the look Madison was giving him.

“That is… unsettling.”

“…right, I, uh, only had your best facets- interests! I mean interests! Your best interests, in mind, at the time.” Jefferson inwardly cursed at the stumbling words. Madison’s laughter didn’t really help… though it was better he was amused by it than horrified. Truth is, at the time, one of the main reasons he’d wanted Madison to marry was in hopes of banishing his own thoughts about the man. Perhaps a married man would deter his imagination. Turns out it didn’t. Nothing had changed since his marriage with Dolley, the dreams just ke- Oh, wait a minute…

“You’re married to Dolley.”

“How nice of you to remember.”

Jefferson decided to ignore his own foolish comment (and Madison’s reply) in favour of asking, “Does she know?” but as he said it he realized what a dumb question that was as well. She was his wife, how could she not know?

“Of course.” Madison replied seriously before giving his friend a small grin, “You’re not as subtle as you think.”

Jefferson flushed, “That’s not what-“ He coughed and cleared his throat to regain his composure. “About your dislike for kissing, I meant, but I presume she does, being your wife and all.”

“Yes, she was the only one who knew.” He replied, “Until now, that is.”

“The only one?” Jefferson looked surprised again. “No-one else knows?” Madison nodded. “Why not?”

“Nobody ever understands.” Madison shrugged, playing it off as if it were nothing. “Why mention it? It would only lead to misgivings.” He wasn’t ashamed, not at all, it simply wasn’t worth the fuss.

“That’s…” Jefferson cut himself short. He knew the feeling.

“Do you? Understand, I mean.”

“I-“ He sighed, avoiding eye-contact, “No, truth be told, I don’t.” He admitted but before Madison could reply he met his eyes, “But I respect your will.”

Madison smiled softly, “That’s good enough.”

Desperately trying to ignore the warm feeling Madison’s smile gave him, Jefferson sighed, “That means you’ll never experience the amazing skills I gained in France though.”

“I’ll survive.”

“Yes, _you_ might.” Jefferson replied, dramatically motioning at his friend, “But _I_ on the other hand?”

Madison laughed, “You’ll have to settle for a bit less then I’m afraid.”

“Less?” Jefferson replied, his interest picked, “But not nothing? What, exactly, are we talking about here?”

He should say nothing, draw the line at nothing at all. Jefferson was offering him a way out here. “Something along the lines of a kiss on the cheek, for example.” He didn’t take it.

“Oh?” Jefferson smiled, “Hmm, I can work with that…” He mumbled as he leaned in to Madison again. “May I?”

Suddenly feeling nervous again, Madison gulped at the intense look in his friend’s eyes. He nodded but remained silent. Much to his surprise, he found that part of him was more curious about what would happen and how it would feel than anxious. After all, as long as there was no lip-to-lip contact it couldn’t be that bad. Not that he’d been going around testing that theory but he had never minded his mother’s goodnight kisses or Dolley’s pecks on the cheek at social venues.  Something told him that wasn’t what Jefferson had in mind though.

Jefferson’s breath was hot on his cheek when a strange thought occurred to him.

“Do you suppose there is some sort of courting equivalent to committing sodomy?”

Jefferson halted, blinked for a second before bursting into laughter, putting a hand on Madison’s shoulder to prevent him from falling over and resting his forehead on the other, he tried to compose himself enough to answer. “I-I doubt that-” Madison could feel his friend shake from laughter against him, “I doubt there are rules for breaking the law.” Jefferson managed in between snorts and giggles that he didn’t even attempt to hide since it was just the two of them.

Madison chuckled in response, “I suppose not.”

“Then again, there is that whole ‘honour among thieves’ business so who knows?” Jefferson replied when he’d finally calmed down a bit. The humour was still evident in his voice though so Madison went along with it.

“Are you implying we’re thieves?” Madison craned his neck so he could look Jefferson in the eye but his friend still had his head on his shoulder, eyes averted. “Dishonourable ones at that.”

“Not yet but I was trying to get you incriminated as my partner when you interrupted me with your rather poorly timed epiphany.”

“Partner?” Madison replied, having no intention of apologizing, “In crime?” Jefferson snorted again, turning his head to glance at Madison who simply grinned back at him. Without warning Jefferson shifted his head a little and placed a chaste kiss on his neck. Madison gasped in surprise and Jefferson paused but when no protest came he repeated the action again and again, leaving a trail of short, slow kisses along his neck up to his ear. After one final, longer kiss right beneath the earlobe, Jefferson whispered in a low voice, “ _Now_ we’re thieves.” He grinned -Madison could practically _feel_ him grinning- before adding, “But I’ll resist stealing your first kiss.”

A wave of heat shot through Madison’s body, leaving him slightly fazed and briefly he wondered whether he was coming down with a fever. The heat passed just as quickly as it had come and Madison realized he should probably say something.

“That wasn’t horrible.”

Jefferson chuckled – Madison could _feel_ it again, which was strange but oddly pleasant- “Coming from you, I’ll take that as a compliment.” Despite the teasing tone, Madison could clearly sense a hint of relief. It was obvious this was new to both of them, albeit it for different reasons, and Jefferson, as always, was most afraid of offending him.

With a deep sigh, Jefferson pulled back, and Madison was struck by a sudden inexplicable desire to pull him back towards him. To pull him into a tight embrace and bury himself in his chest. He did none of that. Instead, he settled for a reassuring smile, “It was rather pleasant.”

He could just imagine the look on Dolley’s face when she learns the details of this affair. Slightly sympathetic, very amused, supportive but with barely concealed smugness. Or just blatantly telling him she’d been right because Dolley knew there was no reason to use her diplomatic finesse on him. Jefferson sighed wistfully, drawing Madison back to the present, as he stared down at him.

“It didn’t go according to plan?” Madison asked half-joking. He could imagine Jefferson would’ve proceeded much differently if he hadn’t stopped the first time and learnt about Madison’s aversion.

“Plan? Really, James, you don’t _plan_ these sorts of things.” Jefferson looked indignant at the suggestion. Madison merely raised an eyebrow at his friend. As if he hadn’t been thinking about it before. Jefferson smirked, “Fantasize, imagine, dream, yes, but not _plan_. That is such an unromantic word to use.” Despite the complaint, his eyes sparkled, “So very _you_ , James.”

Madison rolled his eyes at the dramatics. So very _Thomas_ , that was.

“But yes- it didn’t. This was much better.”

“Better than anything _you_ can dream up?” Madison replied in mock-surprise. Jefferson licked his lips, leaning over and resting their foreheads together. Madison had to arch his neck painfully but his complaint died in his throat when he saw the soft look in his friend’s eyes, a little smile on his face. He looked peaceful. Satisfied.

“Yes, definitely better than any dream or fantasy.” He whispered so quietly, the words like a soft breeze on a summer afternoon, “This is _real._ ”

Perhaps it hadn't been such a horrible idea after all. Perhaps it really was that simple.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't suppose any of you happen to know a good book about James Monroe, do you? Any recs would be much appreciated. Same with Jeffers and Mads but that seems to be easier than Monroe...
> 
> Well, anyway, thank you for reading & I hope you enjoyed it!  
> (Let me know what you think, if you want, or if you have questions/suggestions/recs!)


End file.
